Dating A Korean Santa Barbara CA Guy
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He says no. It's restorative. His goal all along was to kill himself as well. When he is looking at "these white girls" who are with black or Latino or Asian guys, he identifies entirely as white.

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To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy. So that when the police do come, they think, we got a call, it was credible, let's take a look. He seemed so "normal.

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He can't get a pretty white blonde girl to go out with him, even though he has a fancy car. MK: I have a chapter in which I talk about the prototype, the early instance, of something that reminds one of Elliot Rodger: George Sodini. Seung-Hui Cho, the Virginia Tech shooter, was Korean-American, the first nonwhite ram shooter in more than a decade; Elliot Rodger, who shot three people and stabbed three more, was half Asian.

It seems like what we're seeing in the Santa Barbara shooting is sexual entitlement. LN: One thing you write about with regard to school shootings in particular is that there hasn't been the attention to gender and race and class with white, adolescent, middle-class guys that there might be in other cases. And then, of course, killing himself. Michael Kimmel, a professor of sociology and gender studies at Stony Brook University, wrote about Sodini — and about angry men as varied as the school shooters at Columbine and Virginia Tech, fathers' rights activists and the Tea Party movement — in his book Angry White Men.

Not all of the men Kimmel describes are white. It's retaliation. You write about violence as a way for angry men to prove their masculinity or overcome humiliations. What they inherited from their fathers and grandfathers, what they thought was their birthright was access to money, power, and women. Violence is the way you get even.

Despite Rodger's multiracial background, the Santa Barbara shootings are "a textbook case of everything I've been writing about," he said in an interview. In a way, I guess it gives someone comfort that there are others like me, I'm not the only one to whom this is happening. And when you do that, you go out in a blaze of glory. But they're united by a central phenomenon that Kimmel describes as "aggrieved entitlement": a growing anger that privilege men once considered their birthright has slipped away as American society has become more equal, and a belief that they are justified in taking revenge against people who harmed them.

That's part of it: women's greater equality.

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And so when they see others getting it, they feel like it's an injustice. And he doesn't understand it — he's so much more deserving. How is it possible that a guy like this — it seems on its face sort of obvious that he's mentally ill.

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MK: It will take us making race visible. That's also a very big part of this plan, and part of the similarities among many of these guys. MK: It's so interesting how he uses his own race.

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That's part of what the entitlement sounds like. But to someone like Elliot Rodger or George Sodini, the rules are if you play the game right, if you're good and clean and reasonably good-looking, you should be able to get a girl. I think those places are kind of a solace for that sense of aggrieved entitlement. It's not that they expected to have it, but that they felt entitled to it. That's not going to change. That's what I mean by aggrieved entitlement: the sense that you are entitled to those things, and you're not getting them and other people are getting them. He feels humiliated by all of these women who go out with all of these undeserving guys, while he — and these are his words — "a perfect guy," "a supreme gentleman," gets rejected all the time and is still a virgin and can't get sex.

We're not going to go backwards.

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Violence in this case is revenge. It's a way to retrieve your manhood.

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What follows is a transcript of a conversation with Kimmel, slightly edited for clarity and length. So he's getting his revenge. You go out in that blaze of glory and then your manhood is magnificently restored to you. The ideal of the American man is we don't get mad, we get even. As he says, it's the day of retribution. We're far more gender-equal today in America than we ever have been, and we'll be more equal again tomorrow.

So how is it this mental illness managed to sail just below the radar of virtually everybody except his parents, who tried to do something? This is not simply mass murder; this is suicide by mass murder. LN: What will it take to have a broader conversation about cultural factors in a situation like this?

So it's a sense of white men's victimization.

'it's a way to retrieve your manhood': a cultural explanation of the santa barbara shooting

And he's sitting here shaking, the whole time, thinking, if they walk into my bedroom I'm in trouble because they'll see the arsenal I've accumulated. MK: We expected our lives to look like the lives of our fathers or grandfathers — that we would work in offices that would look like the set of Mad Men. That world is completely gone. He "sees" race when it is about others; with himself it's the class the BMW and gender his male entitlement that seems to hold sway.

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Do you think if they'd be asking if he had suicidal thoughts? They leave. And that's unjust and unfair to you. They would instantly have handcuffed him, and they would have searched his room and found all the guns and it never would have happened. When he thinks about it, he's of mixed race himself.

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Just imagine for a moment if Elliot Rodger is black. So you would hear aggrieved entitlement, for example, from Tea Partiers who say "Let's take our country back. He says this quite clearly: I am so angry, I am going to get even with you. And so seven police officers show up at Elliot Rodger's apartment. He had posted almost the same kinds of complaints that Elliot Rodger posts. A suicide note in the gym bag pointed investigators to a website with a litany of complaints: Sodini was frustrated and angry that he wasn't dating or sleeping with women, and he shot three people and injured six others as revenge.

LN: You write about male economic entitlement, about political entitlement. InSodini walked into an aerobics class filled with women at a Pittsburgh-area gym and opened fire. MK: These kinds of sites and these kinds of chat rooms — I think they're kind of a rear-guard action. Nobody noticed because he seemed like the rest of us. LN: But if Elliot Rodger isn't a white man — and he wrote about his half-Asian background in his manifesto, arguing that it held him back with women — how does he fit into this phenomenon?

He was very polite and very deferential and the police officers take a look at him, and they asked if he ever thought about suicide. You don't just kill them, you take yourself too. MK: I think it would be facile to argue the manosphere, as it's called, urged him to do this.

For example, "I haven't had a date in years, I haven't had sex in 20 years" — Sodini says — "I've been rejected by 30 million women. Anybody who runs around shooting other people, we assume they're mentally ill. They provide a kind of locker room, a place where guys can gripe about all the bad things that are being done to them by women, by people of color, by feminism.

LN: So how does this entitlement turn into violence? He's entitled to sex, they've turned him down, and he's getting even by going out and killing them. Inner-city violence. Here's a thought experiment for you. The truth is, of course, we're moving inexorably toward greater and greater gender and racial equality. We use cookies and other tracking technologies to improve your browsing experience on our site, show personalized content and targetedanalyze site traffic, and understand where our audiences come from.

And it is absolutely baffling to Rodger or to Sodini that all these other guys get them. In his manifesto, Rodger constantly complains that he sees white girls with black guys, or Latino guys, or Asian guys. MK: When it's a white guy, it's always about mental illness.

When it's a white guy it's always some kind of individual problem: "He was mentally ill. All of the arenas in which men used to just be with other guys — the locker room, the boardroom, the operating theater, the college classroom — all of those areas have now been, from their perspective, invaded by women. He's been emasculated by this, he's been humiliated. Hell no. They've all turned him down. They feel entitled, as white men, to the idea that this is their country, this is their world.

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